Letters & Opinion
High Five: High fives are only the beginning
Columnist
Hello, my friends. I’m so excited to be with you all again. I’m sure you noticed that I was absent from last week’s issue, and I do feel I owe you an explanation. Think back to the last time we were together. Remember how angry I was? Well, that lapse cost me a week of writing as I was forced to seek anger management treatment. Avra was worried about me attracting an unsavory element and told me I would not be allowed to write again until I sought treatment. I hold no grudge against her though, dear friends. I know tough love when I see it. I apologize both for being cranky and then being absent. I promise to make it up to you.
How will I do that? Well friends, I think we’ve been in this relationship long enough that we’re ready to take the next step. I am confident that we are all mature enough to handle me saying that it is time for us to consider getting physical. That’s right. It’s time to develop our secret friendship handshake.
I know it’s a big step in a budding friendship, but with midterms nearly upon us and the crisp smell of autumn permeating the air, the time couldn’t be more right. In the words of AT&T, it’s time to reach out and touch someone. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle the first time.
What makes a great secret handshake? How many steps should it include? Will there be different handshakes for different occasions? These are all issues that we must consider if our handshake is going to be as glorious as possible.
I’ve been pondering this over the past two weeks, and I think I’ve come up with a really boffo-socko idea. See how this shakes your gravy, friends.
We’ll start with a high five, as a symbol of our ever-growing friendship.
For if it wasn’t for “High Five” we might never have met and begun this beautiful journey of friendship.
After the high five, we move right into the classic handshake with a firm grip for one, two, three shakes. Yes. Three shakes seems ideal for this step because it shows that we’re official but not clingy.
This next step is pretty progressive, so hang with me friends. The handshake breaks and we’ll then play five seconds of pattycake. And we can count it out in French. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq. It may feel wrong at first, but I think as we go on you’ll learn to like it. We don’t have to do this the same way everyone else does. That’s not our style.
On the count of cinq, we grasp each other’s hands and hold them up in the air and turn in a circle, clockwise, then counterclockwise. This symbolizes how our friendship is circularand we go around in a circle of caring.
Once we’ve returned to our original positions, we break our grip on one another and stand facing each other. We will then do one performance each of the “Hand Jive.” I think you know where this comes from, friends. Yes, it’s because of our “Grease”-themed party a few weeks ago.
Once the “Hand Jive” has been completed, we hold our hands out as if they were paws and say “Pointer pride! Arf arf!” We are proud Pointers and want to show it to the world!
What do you think? I know that it seems a little extensive and maybe a bit intimidating. Maybe we can schedule a get-together soon to work on it. With a little hard work, I think we can take this dream and make it a reality. Our friendship will be so much better once we get rid of the secret handshake tension.
