Letters & Opinion
High Five: In trivial pursuits
Columnist
It feels so good to be back with all of you after my two-week sabbatical. Returning to the pages of “The Pointer” is like putting on a warm dryer-fresh pair of sexy pants. I hope you’ve all managed without me while I was out traversing the country, collecting research for my new project. I don’t want to give too much away but I will say I met a superhero and I must bring her story to the world. Stay tuned!
I knew I had to return for this, the most hallowed of weeks at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point. If trivia was a live album it would clearly be “Frampton Comes Alive!” It’s just that important. I feel honored to the max just to be a part of such an event. Now don’t feel bad that you weren’t invited to be part of my team. I’m not participating in that way. I am an answer! Pay attention now, my zealous friends, because I am the answer to question 5 of hour 41 of Trivia 40. Just answer “Steve Danger Apfel” and you’re that many more points into competition! You’re quite welcome.
Truthfully dear readers, is anything more important than trivial knowledge? The answer is a resounding “certainly not.” Standard education is all well and good, but being able to remember and regurgitate seemingly useless facts is what life is really all about.
Now trivial knowledge has many real-world applications outside of helping to raise money for our dear 90FM.
For example, say you are out on a first date with that adorable girl/guy from your twice-weekly history class. You’ve met up at Green Tea and have dispensed with the usual greetings and pleasantries, but what do you talk about next? Nobody wants to talk about school on a date. How lame! This is where your trivial knowledge comes in handy. Casually say to your lovely date, “Did you know that John Wayne’s real first name was Marion?” or “If the plates on the back of a stegosaurus were not used for protection, what were they used for?” See if you can even finish your meal without inspiring and passionate lip lock. If you thought trivia was only cute when said by Jonathan Lipnicki in “Jerry Maguire,” you thought wrong!
Research papers are unfortunately still a staple of many college courses and a bane to the existence of many students. Your paper on the effects of global warming on the baboons of Africa is a little dry and could use a bit more pizzazz? Trivia to the rescue! Drop into your text that actor Robert Guillaume, the voice of wise baboon Rafiki in Disney’s “The Lion King,” replaced original actor Michael Crawford in the title role of “The Phantom of the Opera” and you and your professor are having a better learning experience.
I realize that experiences of this nature sound fantastic but may not be realistically within the reach of all students. Not everyone is naturally trivially-inclined. I’ve got your back, my less-inclined friends. Starting this very day, April 15, 2009, will be the first meeting of the Collegiates Learning Intense Trivia student group. Students will be able to receive a crash-course in trivial facts and memory techniques. The goal is to have every interested person ready to participate in at least the later rounds of Trivia 40. Perhaps next year’s winning team will be formed by these curious friends!
Finally, I’d like to thank all of you for remembering my birthday this week. The party was a complete surprise, and who knew Avra could limbo so low? On roller skates no less! And my new best friend Liz Bush can make one heck of a confetti cake, wouldn’t you say? And the sci-fi theme was out of this world! Good luck to all trivia teams this weekend!
