Letters & Opinion
High Five: Legend
Columnist
Happy Thanksgiving dear readers! It is of course of paramount importance that I wish one of you the greatest day of thanks possible. By this time next week many of us might be moving a bit slower after generous portions of scrumptious delights. I know I, for one, am looking forward to slipping on my holiday stretchy pants!
Back to scrumptious delights for a moment, I need to announce the winner of last week’s contest! Congratulations to Leanna Wisnefske whose suggestion of traditional pumpkin pie was the winner for The Pointer Thanksgiving feast. Avra has even promised to keep her beard lust under control as long as she gets a piece.
Gadzooks my thrill seeking friends! In all the excitement around here I nearly forgot that it’s time to begin the annual search for Alfonse! What? You don’t know who Alfonse is? Surely you jest! Well gather around boys and girls and I’ll tell you the legend of Alfonse the Wish Turkey of Schmeekle Reserve.
The legend begins back in the 1970s as Schmeeckle Reserve was being established. According to local lore, hikers in the new reserve were being harassed by some sort of wild bird chasing after them making menacing sounds and a feathered frenzy of threatening movements. One particularly vicious encounter found a hiker’s ankles viciously attacked and nipped by a sharp beak. As hikers became too frightened to traipse down the trails, university administrators new something had to be done. Drastic measures needed to be taken. They called in Chuck Baskel, world-renowned master of fowl speak.
Baskel spent three days in Schmeeckle tracking and studying his adversary. He finally encountered the beast, a brilliantly colored and highly eloquent wild turkey. Using his patented landfowl language speaking techniques, Baskel was able to communicate with the creature and learn his story.
Alfonse had not always been a turkey. He had once been a promising young student. However on one fateful day, Alfonse had been hiking and carelessly tossed his soda cans on the ground. His senseless littering angered a troll who inhabited a rather tall maple tree. The troll cast two spells upon Alfonse that day, one turning him into a creature of the wild, a turkey, and another giving him wish granting abilities along with the role as protector of the forest.
Alfonse had never been attempting to hurt anyone at all and was only attacking hikers who littered. He had been trying to keep them from suffering the same fate he had. If these irresponsible hikers had simply picked up their trash and approached Alfonse he could have told them of the negative effects of their littering and granted them three wishes in return. It was their own ignorance that led to Alfonse being misunderstood.
It is said that Alfonse still inhabits Schmeeckle but old age has caused him to limit whom he grants wishes to. He will only grant wishes in the month of November, his birth month, and only to the first person to approach him. This person must also be in good academic standing with the university.
That’s the legend of Alfonse, boys and girls. As far as I know, no one has found Alfonse yet this year. By the beard of Baskel, you could still have your wishes this holiday season!
