Letters & Opinion
High Five: My November decision deserves a high five
Columnist
Do you hear that, my friends? Listen closely. What is that beautiful silence? That’s the sound of the absence of political ads on the airwaves! As much as I love a good election, I can’t tell you how happy I am to get back to ad spots about things that people really care about, like beer, cat food and erectile dysfunction medications. God bless America!
Also, I’m just tickled pink at the overwhelming response to the First Annual Pointer High Five Costume Contest! I have never been so thrilled to see my inbox bursting with new messages from so many friends. And in such impressive costumes, too! Making the decision on this one was tough, especially with the knowledge that you had your hopes up so astronomically high about the possibility of winning that Pointer date at the DUC! I really think some of you must have misunderstood the rules though; I can’t believe that 48 of you really wanted to win a date with me! Aww shucks, you make me blush! However, the winner will, in fact, be going on a romantic rendezvous with yours truly. And that lucky student is (drum roll please)... Shay Carlston! Believe you me, dear readers, she was the cutest dang bunny anyone has ever seen! Congratulations, Shay!
The smashing success of the costume contest made me decide that this kind of reader interaction should become a regular staple of our weekly correspondence. Some of you have come up to me recently and asked me if you had really seen me driving around in a slick new set of wheels. Yes, it’s true, the successor to the Golf has been found in the form of a brand-spanking-used 1999 Hyundai Sonata. However, a ride this swanky really seems like it needs a proper name. This is where you come in, friends. In this week’s High Five Contest Extravaganza I will be accepting your suggestions for names for my lovely new car. Same rules apply, so have your submissions to me no later than 11:59 p.m. this Sunday! I can’t wait to hear all the creative monikers you can come up with!
I’m afraid all is not entirely rosy this week though. There has been a great shift that has affected me personally in this first week of November. I hope and pray I made the right decision, not only for my future, but for yours as well because this affects all of us really. I am of course talking about shaving off my beard.
What? Why on Earth would I ever want to part with my luxurious facial adornment? Well it was a tough decision, friends, but for it was for the purpose of showing my dedication to a cause, the cause of the Novembeard.
For those of you who are not familiar with the practice of growing a Novembeard I will provide a short primer on the subject. The Novembeard goes back many years and is rumored to have started in deer hunting camps where men felt they were at their most masculine. This masculinity was fed not only by squelching a man’s natural bloodlust by the slaughtering of poor defenseless animals but also by not shaving one’s face sometimes for weeks at a time.
However, the practice is for the hunting masses no more. As many of you know, I do not hunt, but this does not keep me from wanting to grow a nice bushy scruff on my chin and cheeks. So I simply do not shave from Nov. 1 until Dec. 1. A whole month’s worth of stubble outgrowth shall rest upon my face in what has been called in some circles “No-Shave November.”
Yes, I know I already had a beard, so how is one to differentiate between what is my usual attractive fuzziness and what is being grown specially for this cause? Well friends, I couldn’t answer that one myself so last Friday before I donned my Darth Vader mask, I shaved my face as clean as the day I was born. It feels so strange when I go to thoughtfully stroke my chin and not feel whiskery goodness brush against my fingertips. I feel a little twinge of sadness inside each time.
I suppose I should consider myself lucky. I know that there are those men who can’t grow facial hair no matter how badly they desire it. Conversely, there are also those females who can grow facial hair but greatly desire not to. I am privileged in that I can grow my full wooly face mitten at will. And I am fully confident that it will grow back, however slowly. I’ve started to acclimate to the cool rush of air that now brushes past my lower face and there’s no turning back. We’ll see how much progress I’ve made by next week, friends. Take care.
