Letters & Opinion
High fives for all good meteorologists, none for the bad
Columnist
Welcome back, friends. It’s time again for our weekly chit chat and I know you’re looking forward to it as much as I am. As usual, I promise to quench the thirst for knowledge that I allowed to wet your lips last week. My Novembeard is still growing slowly but surely. I’ve now reached the stage where it is incredibly itchy but I remain dedicated to the cause despite the annoyance. I apologize if I come off a bit irritable between now and the end of the month, though I hardly think you can blame me. You wouldn’t be your normal cheerful self either if you were trying to keep yourself from scratching profusely.
I’ve received quite a bit of correspondence in the past week about the lack of Avra in last week’s column.
Well, to be quite honest with you, dear readers, I have been hiding from Avra. You see I didn’t know when I began my Novembeard ordeal and promoting of such a decision, that Avra has a real thing for beards. She has been in an absolute lustful frenzy since the men of campus began letting Mother Nature have her way with their faces. I advise all men on campus sporting impressive or excessive facial hair to do as I’ve done this week and invest in a can of pepper spray, because Avra is most certainly on the prowl!
Our final piece of business before we get to this week’s fun is of course to announce the winner of last week’s contest! Congratulations go out to Samantha Wilatowski, who gave my snazzy new automobile the classy yet sassy moniker “Sheila.” Samantha wins a fantastic photo op with Sheila that would make for a stupendous Facebook profile picture! It was tough to pick a winner again this week, especially with Avra trying to coax me out of hiding by submitting upwards of 30 requests that I name the car after her.
Now onto new business, dear readers. How about this weather we’ve been having? Is it sunny and warm? Rainy and cold? The unpredictable state of the weather has been wreaking havoc on my activity schedule and my wardrobe. Let me give you an example.
As many of you know, I play in a flag football league on autumn weekends. My team, the Marshfield Mammoths, has a respectable record of 7-2 this season. However, last weekend we had to forfeit the game because half the team was wearing our long-sleeved team shirts and the other half sported the short sleeves. You can imagine the kind of chaos this created! Our opponent, the dread Max Rupp of the Washington Avenue Wailers, quickly pointed out that the league’s rigid rulebook clearly states that any team not wearing coordinating uniform shirts will not be allowed to play. Dang you, Max! Dang you right to heck!
You see, my friends, the Mammoths could have handily beaten the Wailers had the less-than-exemplary weather not caused such a wardrobe malfunction. I can handle sun, rain, snow, sleet, gropple and anything else that may come but what I cannot stand is indecisive weather!
Sorry for losing my temper there. How about I just get to this week’s contest? Super! By Sunday at 11:59 p.m. I will be taking your suggestions for what type of pie I should bake for the annual Pointer Thanksgiving Extravaganza. Make it good! See you next week friends.
