Letters & Opinion
Ode to Communication 101
Let me explain two words with one. Bill Davidson… God.
When I attended Communication 101 lecture last year, that slothful rumble of a voice lulled me into a holy sleep. I always looked forward to getting up early and eagerly finding a front seat in that heavenly coliseum. I couldn’t have been the only one who had trouble sleeping the night before because I was so excited to hear Professor Davidson’s lecture. It was like waiting for Christmas!
When at last the morning came, Bill Davidson appeared enshrouded in light at the front of the classroom like a new saint appearing from the holy beard of God. As I sat in the front seat, basking in the light of the greatest Professor ever to grace this University, I wondered widely what lesson we will be blessed with this time.
Then Bill Davidson spoke. He said three words. Good... morning... class. I cannot do this phrase justice. The greeting was an orchestra of perfect tones and pitches that, with all his pronunciation, took nearly a minute to say.
Our Comm 101 midterm exam might have been the most fairly constructed, well thought-out exam I’ve ever taken. It contained information that would certainly help us all in the real world. You never know. In your next job interview, you might be asked, “In the 8th Comm 101 Lecture, what did Bill Davidson mutter under his breath after scratching his nose?”
And forget the fact that almost everyone failed. Comm 101 lecture is only for true believers, like me. It’s for those who sit in the very front and breathe in every enunciated word that crawls from Bill Davidson’s mouth. We are the few, the proud, the believers. We believe in Comm lecture. More importantly, we believe in Doctor William C. Davidson’s near-superhuman ability to drag a single word over the river and through the woods and all the way to Grandmother’s House.
Bill Davidson is the most condescending educational figure around, and rightfully so. I mean, he wrote a book. A really long book that could be free except for the last fourteen pages which, he decided, should be tear-out evaluation forms. So like Jesus turned water into wine, Doctor D. magically turned a free-to-rent book into a $40 book. Not that anyone would want to just rent the Comm 101 book. Bill Davidson expects us to hold it close to our hearts and read it every night right after we fold our hands and offer our thanks for all of his knowledge and grace. Amen.
