Letters & Opinion
Sexual slogans
Ladyvuwsp@yahoo.com
If you have a sick mind as horribly as I do, you know what I mean when I say it’s a curse. You find sexual references and innuendos in EVERYTHING!
I find myself snickering at the most random things in class that no one else finds amusing. I don’t even do it on purpose. But, no apologies here.
With my recent run-in with online dating I found them in our date plans. He suggested watching the movie “Wanted” and he wanted to teach me how to drive his stick shift.
Over the explosively white winter break, I had an extended amount of time to watch television. I was quickly reminded why I don’t like to watch a lot of it. My brain turns to a sticky mess after a couple hours of MTV’s Parental Control.
So between the romps of parents fighting with crappy significant others while watching their offspring making out with someone else, I found myself getting frisky from nasty commercial slogans.
The obvious ones include: “Just do it,” “Like a rock” and “Got milk.”
But here are a few others that have penetrated my mind.
“Where a kid can be a kid” should be Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch mantra. “Once you pop you just can’t stop!” should be George Michael’s new hit song.
“The quilted-quicker-picker-upper” could be the new cushy feminine hygiene product. And don’t forget about “Dirty mouth? Clean it up” and “How many licks does it take to get to the center?”
When I hear “Great taste, less filling” all I can say to that lovely motto is, “That’s what she said!” I wish I could say that more often. Eat your pineapple, gentlemen.
I think my favorite and most recent slogan that can have great potential in the bedroom or strip club is “Five dollar foot long.” This wins the prize for the most suggestive commercial slogan.
“Think(ing) outside the bun” may not get you any closer to your exploratory sexual endeavors.
So next time you are in the mood and looking for a good time, watch television, with the most perverse state of mind. Don’t forget: “We like to see you smile!”
