Letters & Opinion
Some things just don’t matter
The Pointer
rking163@uwsp.edu
Well guys, here is where things get interesting. If you have made it this far in life, you undoubtedly have gone through a lot of shit and a lot of stressful things. Unfortunately, we will always have things in our lives that are less than desirable and very stressful.
However, here are some things that we should not worry or stress about. They are in no particular order.
Losing your hair: Did you know that a lot of women think that men with shaved heads are sexy? So if you start to lose your hair, get a Bic and buy a hat; this is Wisconsin, after all.
Pleasing everyone: How does the saying go? You can’t please all people all the time, but you can please some people some of the time.
How cool your job is: Look, if it pays your bills and gives you extra spending cash, does it really matter what you do, if you enjoy it?
What your father-in-law will think of you: If you make his daughter/son happy, who cares, and ten to one you’re either just like dear old dad or his complete opposite, so no worries, you’re golden.
Religion: We all have our own moral compasses; no matter what direction is your north, it will always be someone else’s south.
Death: There are only two things that you are guaranteed: life and death. So since you know it will happen, you might as well live life to its fullest.
Kids: Hey, your parents survived!
Being witty: Sometime the quiet ones are HOT.
Wealth: Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s a start.
Fashion: For cussing out loud, it will change next week.
Pop culture: Again this will change. Remember New Kids on the Block?
His/Her prior sexual experiences: Most likely you are not the first or the last to person to curl their toes.
Your prior sexual experiences: See above and make no judgment calls.
Anniversary gifts: Are we dating? Oh! We’re married, since when? (Note: no toes curling tonight.)
Looking as good as his/her ex: Think about this: would you answer this question honestly?
The size of your penis: Okay this goes back to pleasing everyone. They will like it or they won’t. Guys, we can’t all be Ron Jeremy.
He makes more money than me: He also might have a smaller penis than you do.
The afterlife: I like surprises.
Let someone else worry about all this. In the end, is any of it really going to matter? Your best friend is not going to stand out to deliver a eulogy that reads:
Here lies the best friend that I ever had. He always had a full head of hair, pleased everyone he ever met, including his father-in-law and the 60 sexual partners that he had before he married the hottest person in the world, that is, after you honey (looking at his spouse.) I have never known anyone as witty, fashion-conscious and so well hung as (insert name here.)
The moral of this, don’t take life to serious.
Have questions? E-mail them to Rod and you may see your answer in a future “Bare” column.
