Pointlife
Random rants with Andy: Wii tennis
The Pointer
alets410@uwsp.edu
According to my most recent “Men’s Health” issue, 46 percent of Wii-related injuries occur while playing Wii Sports Tennis.
In a world where winning means seeing how fast you can row your little wooden canoe down a mineshaft river, or how acutely you aim at targets that cascade zipponiously across your hand-me-down HD television, are we really that surprised that tennis takes the Wimbledon of Wii Sports injuries? Not only do you have to crank that backhand, wind that forehand, and serve like Serena Williams, but it’s essential. You have to swing fast and hard if you want Wii to recognize you’re a pro. And at the end of the day, that’s the way it is. It’s the law of the Wii. If we lose, our character does a sad dance. Fail.
Now, here are my two cents: good and bad can come from this statistic.
The bad: You’re playing against a loved one. Maybe it’s your significant other. Maybe it’s one of your parents who just bought you a Subaru full of groceries. Maybe it’s your 10 year old cousin, Annie. Something slips, and the next thing you know you’re feeling horrible for the rest of Thanksgiving dinner. What’s even worse is that Annie doesn’t look at you the same. She crinkles her nose and acts as if she didn’t hear your Zac Efron joke. And she has good reason to. She’s got to face long-division next week, and we all know the fourth grade doesn’t let you get away with memorizing the answers like the third.
The good: You’re at a party, preferably one of those Wii parties. Sure, it’s a good mix of people, but someone invites a friend of a friend that you could care less about. Actually, he’s the one that spilled some concoction on you one night a long time ago, and even though he’s completely forgotten about it, you haven’t. Why would you? Now you’re both up for your game of Wii tennis. Your Federer backhand slips. Oops. No, really. Not only do you not feel bad, but it’s a great time to inform of the statistic mentioned above. Everyone understands. You’re not the bad guy. You’re just a guy who keeps his friends close (by showing up to a Wii party), and his enemies closer (Federer backhand). All in all, not a bad evening. It could have been worse. The girl you like could have attended the Dance Dance Revolution party down the street, but she didn’t, did she?
But even if you’re mildly to hugely successful in either one of these scenarios, what’s great about this “ballsy” experience is at the end of the day you can call yourself a statistic. And who doesn’t want to be statistic?
