Pointlife
“The Pointer” has much versatility
The Pointless
NewsisDead@uwsp.edu
Some papers proclaim that they are black and white and read all over. Not so for the local rag you have in your hands.
“I personally like to wrap my sausage with mine,” said Jack Link. “I find the Stevens Point Journal and the Portage County Gazette don’t give the same bile-type flavor.”
“I like it best when the issues build up on my front porch,” said Durte Ollman. “The papers take people’s eyes off my chipping paint and long grass.”
Hans Kegmeister likes to spread the paper out in his basement during house parties. Not so it absorbs the spilled beer, but so when the bathroom is occupied, party attendees can just go on the floor.
A local logger who wished to remain nameless, (his name was Peter Cuttingsworth) preferred Younkers ads to “The Pointer” for Johnny-on-the-spot toilet paper.
“I feel when I wipe my butt with a Younkers ad, it’s like I’m staying at a Hilton, but when I wipe my butt with “The Pointer”, it reminds me of the day I received my University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point diploma,” said Cuttingsworth.
It seems that Parakeets prefer “The New York Times” to “The Pointer” 5 to 1 for cage bedding.
“I like articles that are actually researched to drop pellets on, not cut and pasted from Facebook information,” said Mr. McQuackers, the resident aviary expert on staff.
Regardless of how you enjoy the “The Pointer”, please remember it goes down best with four teaspoons of brown sugar, a half teaspoon of lemon juice and a tumbler of Barton’s vodka.
This article was written for “The Pointless” - The Pointer’s April Fools Day alter ego
