Science & Outdoors
Life would be much easier if nature came equipped with toilets, but since you rarely find one in the woods, you will have to use some other method to relieve yourself.
Outdoor Edventures: Number two in the woods
Science & Outdoors Reporter
When looking to spend some time outdoors, there are a lot of questions to consider: where are the best spots, what sort of clothing to wear and what gear is going to hold up the longest? These are all very good to ponder, but if you get one wrong, you just add a little more adventure and learn for the next time. Now, it’s the things that don’t get asked that can really ruin a trip. Case in point: Ya’ll need to know how to poop in the woods.
Don’t worry, you have options!
The tree hugger and reverse: This is fairly simple. Use the tree as though it is a wall and lean your back up against it to hold you as you bend your knees to 90 degrees. The reverse works just as well. Here, find a tree you can comfortably reach your arms around. Hug your new friend, and bend your knees to a comfortable angle to do the doo doo.
Frog and the crab: These are unassisted positions. For the frog, you need to be confident of your aim. This is just a plain squat. The image conjures up the bomb drill stance or lightning stance. The Crab lets you open up more. Remember gym class when you had to cross the floor on hands and feet with your face to the ceiling and your buttocks trailing on the ground? Do that, but lift your rear a little.
The logger: This is perhaps the most comfortable position because it most closely resembles the position we are used to. It can, however, get some bark or moss on the back of your thighs. Find a downed tree, drop trou, and hang off the back side. Or, to avoid the gritty thighs, modify the crab and give yourself a little elevation with your hands.
Partner time: No logs? No trees? Don’t have good balance? This is the one for you! Find your buddy, stand face to face and hold both of their hands. You then lean back, counter force until you are positioned in a similar stance as the tree hugger. What’s the best part of this? You don’t have to wait turns! This works simultaneously for both participants!
As always, remember to avoid attracting little and big fuzzy creatures by digging a hole six inches deep to mask your smelly smells. No shovel? No problem. Turn over a rock for your potty and simply replace the cover when you are finished. No TP? No problem. Leaves, smooth sticks and small smooth stones work just as well. It’s actually much better than having to pack up your soiled papers. Just remember this rule of thumb for using leaves: reach from above, not below and look at the leaf before you go.
