Science & Outdoors
Remedy for a rough night; UW-SP student creates cure for hangovers
The Pointless
captpt_morgn@uwsp.edu
“I’m never drinking again.”
Sunday morning, the room is too bright, the headache is from hell and an undeniable thirst allows the consumption of what seems like gallons of water. The thought of vodka inspires a gag reflex, regret and the realization that removal from bed is unlikely.
That’s when it is said. The sentence uttered from so many students after a night of shots and stumbling: “I’m never drinking again.”
Bull-puckey.
Six days later, a night out is likely to leave students with the same brown bottle flu, until now.
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point senior Al Cohol has created a cure for hangovers with a pill. The name of the pain reliever: Binge.
Cohol, a biology major and self-proclaimed binge drinker, started his project in 2006 to cure the headaches, nausea, thirst, food aversion, diarrhea, tremulousness, fatigue and general feeling of despair that appear the morning after a few too many drinks.
“I absolutely hate being hung-over, so I decided to do something about it,” said Cohol.
This entrepreneur has self-tested the drug on many occasions, improving it immensely since his first trial in 2007. He now believes the pill is ready for the public.
“I think he is really onto something here,” said chemistry professor Tim Muchtadrink, who has assisted Cohol in the pill-making process.
Only a few other close friends of Cohol have tested the pill, but the reactions have been nothing short of remarkable.
“I actually did homework on Sunday,” said stunned student Jimmy Moore. Moore recommends the pill to students that want to wake up Sunday morning without “hating their lives.”
Controlled experiments will be conducted in the Trainer Natural Resources building to test the ability of Binge and all students of age are invited to attend. Drinks will be free to those who participate. Participants will be expected to report back to Cohol the next morning with their reactions to the pill.
Side effects of the pill may include enlarged genitalia, hair loss and an increased desire for Polito‘s pizza.
This article was written for “The Pointless” - The Pointer’s April Fools Day alter ego
