Sports
Chewy turkey nuggets of festive football fun
Columnist
I feel a little silly talking about football so close to Thanksgiving considering that half of the country talks about football at this time of year. However, it is my duty to let you, my legions of fans, know exactly what I think from week to week. So in spite of my reservations, I present to you my solutions for boring overtime tie games. We will have winners!
1. Play until somebody scores
Isn’t this obvious? I’m not really sure this one needs an explanation. Tie games are boring and just calling it a draw after five quarters is silly. Let’s let these games go on until somebody wins, no matter how long it takes. Baseball does it, football should too.
2. Coin-toss victory
This is basically already a rule since the winner of the opening toss of overtime wins a majority of the time. But we can save time and effort by just having the winner of the toss be the winner of the game. High stakes coin flipping. It’s really the way to go.
3. Mascot wrestling
Now this is a brand-new idea that I think the American public can really get behind. People love to watch people in outrageous costumes hit each other. This explains the popularity of professional wrestling. There was an inkling of an idea for cheerleader wrestling, but this would be unfair to teams without cheerleading squads, not to mention a bit sexist. Mascot wrestling is equal-opportunity violence.
There you go. Three bang-up ideas to prevent travesties like this past weekend’s 13-13 debacle between the Eagles and Bengals from happening again. Let’s keep football exciting.
