Sports
Favre has joined a new team this season and appears to be happy with his new teammates.
Favre shuns retirement again, finds true calling at McDonald’s
The Pointless
swrit592@uwsp.edu
Brett Favre has decided to come out of retirement again, this time waiting an extra month before changing his mind and realizing his ranch in Mississippi isn’t as cool as he thought.
The Jets made it very clear they didn’t want the old-timer back, and after begging the Vikings and the Lions to no avail, Favre accepted a quarterback position outside the NFL in the newly created QB position at the Kiln, Miss. McDonald’s restaurant.
“We’re excited to have him; he’s a legend,” said night manager and high school junior, Dale “Chip” Bull. “Please don’t tell him that the position I told him was ‘quarterback’ is really just a drive thru worker.”
Favre looked comfortable in his new colors and McDonald’s visor as he took orders from the headset and barked them across the assembly line with the guttural scream that used to draw defenses offsides.
“I see him making employee of the month, no problem,” said Bull, “though his style of drive thru work is spontaneous and often the orders aren’t correct. People are coming back but they’re usually as pissed as Mike Holmgren was in the 90’s, but they come back.”
Favre signed no contract and can leave whenever he wants, but seems to be glad to be out of the house and working again.
“I ran out of beer on Tuesday and my wife was gone,” said Favre. “So I came into town to buy some more when I ran into this kid Chip who said he had the perfect opportunity for me. Smart kid, that Chip, he should be a scientist, or a college professor or something. Anyway, here I am.”
Favre has already sustained one injury early on in his McDonalds career. On his second day, a fry cook bumped into Favre as he was handing off four double cheeseburgers to a car full of high school kids and Favre put his hand directly in a vat of hot oil.
“He’s played on, been here everyday,” said Bull. “Though his eyes are glossy, and some of the orders he barks out are things we don’t even make. He keeps popping what he calls tic tacs; let me tell you those things are way too big to be tic tacs.”
Favre continues to look to the future and refuses to let this injury hold him down.
“I think I am bringing a lot to the Burger King team, I mean the McTeam,” said Favre. “Has anyone else here won three MVP’s and a Super Bowl? I think no, right? Where am I again? Sorry man I’m on the nod.”
Hopefully the second stint at coming out of retirement will prove more successful for Favre after going 9-7 with the Jets last season.
“Hey man, I threw six touchdown passes in one game last year, SIX!” said Favre. “I think the Packers know what they missed out on now, and the Jets will know as soon as I win employee of the month.”
When asked if he was ready for another long hard night’s work, Favre replied candidly, “That’s what she said.”
The McDonald’s crew will face a tough Saturday night this week as it’s the Spring Fling at Kiln High, which always promises a lot of couples in booths sharing McShakes.
This article was written for “The Pointless” - The Pointer’s April Fools Day alter ego
