Sports
The injury that prompted major changes in the NFL
NFL adopts no-tackle “Brady rule”
The Pointless
btack512@uwsp.edu
In an effort to decrease the number of serious injuries to players, the National Football League has revealed they will adopt a no-tackle policy for the 2009 season. The league commissioner has revealed that the league lost its health insurance coverage in the off-season and is currently between insurance providers.
“There’s no other way to keep our athletes from suffering career- threatening damage to their bodies than to eliminate the contact portion of the game,” said Goodell.
To accommodate the change in game play, players are being asked to simply tag opposing ball carriers with two hands and declare them “down.” Defenses are also being asked to respect the new “ten-apple-rush rule,” meaning they must count to ten before being allowed to rush a quarterback.
However, even with the new rush guideline in place, quarterbacks are being given even more additional protection. The new “Brady rule” states that no defensive player may touch an opposing quarterback at any time, nor may they say unkind words about the opposing team or the families of opposing teams.
“We want to protect our players at all costs, especially our most delicate flowers, the quarterbacks,” said Goodell.
Several defensive players and coaches have taken issue with the new rules and are fighting yet another proposed rule that would raise the fine for illegal, or any, hits to include not only monetary repercussions, but also the first born son of the player. Lavish automobiles are being discussed as appropriate substitute fines for childless players.
This article was written for “The Pointless” - The Pointer’s April Fools Day alter ego
