Sports
Creator of "Terrible Towel" passes, leaves legacy
Sports Reporter
Recently, a sad event marred the world of professional sports when longtime Pittsburgh Steelers’ radio commentator Myron Cope passed away at the age of 79.
Cope was noted for his use of Yiddish exclamations such as “yoi!” and “double yoi!” in a voice that was more Jerry Lewis than Howard Cosell. However, he was much more than the voice of the Steelers’ nation; he was also given credit as the originator of the “Terrible Towel.” During a playoff game in 1975 against the Baltimore Colts, Cope encouraged Steelers fans to wave yellow dish towels in support of their team. The practice caught on so spectacularly; now that special “Terrible Towels” are manufactured and sold as a hot piece of team merchandise.
This idea got me thinking about other ways football fans could show their appreciation of their favorite team. And yes, I maintain all the copyright to any of these fantastic ploys.
1. Seattle Seahawks
While it may be considered a bit tasteless to wave around actual seafaring birds, fans of this Northwest power can do the next best thing: wave around garbage to attract the scavenging birds! The team can save money by firing the custodial staff and leaving the grounds littered with debris that will have seagulls coming from miles around! This could also be the cheapest way of obtaining a visible mascot. Switch from garbage to rodents and animal carcasses for fans of the Eagles, Falcons and Ravens.
2. Minnesota Vikings, Oakland Raiders, Tampa Bay Buccaneers and any other team named for a type of brutish terror of old.
This one could be quite a money maker. The world of sports may just want to thank me now. Clearly, each of these teams could sponsor “Pillage Night” at their respective home fields. Fans will be encouraged to steal, beat and otherwise terrorize their fellow fans as well as fans of the opposition. Wavers will need to be signed by all spectators before entering the arena, lest they be relegated to the “Wuss Box” which will be spit on and routinely pelted with garbage.
3. Miami Dolphins
Three words: Dolphin safe night. Fans will dodge cans of dolphin-safe tuna, which doubles as a representation of new addition Bill “Tuna” Parcells to the front office. The irony in this situation writes itself.
4. San Diego Chargers
Want to get your fans charged up? Then why not electrify their seats? Lulls in action will be erased from home games! By administering a mild shock to the posteriors of fans, the Bolts will receive regular standing ovations, regardless of how they play!
5. New England Patriots
All the Patriots’ home games will be played in Iraq, Afghanistan or any other place where America is attempting to push its will onto a native population. Nothing is more patriotic than oppression!
Yes, we can all go that extra mile to support those men who sacrifice their bodies for our Sunday enjoyment in the fall. If we’re not willing to sacrifice ourselves as well, what business do we have expecting them to?
This column is in memory of Myron Cope (1929-2008).